DIE ACTOR DIE

Speaking of The Montreal Just for Laughs Festival, The Montreal Gazette listed its favourite favorite punchlines from said fest.

Some of the humor is lost in translation, these are meant to be heard not read after all, but there are some gems:

“Just read about that kid who had sex with his teacher. He just died from high-fiving.” Zach Galifianakis

“Men think about sex every seven seconds, which I think makes talking to your dad very creepy,” Jimmy Carr

“After you’ve been married for 12 years, sex is boring, or for the educated, moribund.” John Moloney

There are also a couple of clunkers:

“Women like jewelry. They’re like raccoons: show them some shiny stuff and they’ll follow you home.” Alonzo Bodden

“When you have sex with a glow-in-the-dark condom, it’s kind of like being in a lighthouse. It’s light, it’s dark. It’s light, it’s dark. It’s light, it’s dark.” Frank Skinner, solo

“A girl’s room is like a genie’s bottle, pillows everywhere and if you rub in the right place, all your dreams come true.” Tom Papa

Ugh.

There is something to be said when the punchline is just as funny being read as it is being heard.

That goes both ways.