DIE ACTOR DIE

LA Lakers coach Phil “Broad Shoulders” Jackson is getting some flack for making the following homophobic joke after losing to the San Diego Spurs:

“We call this a ‘Brokeback Mountain’ game, because there’s so much penetration and kickouts,” Jackson said. “It was one of those games.”

It’s not really a joke is it? I get the penetration line but what the heck do kickouts have to do with a tender story between two cowboys and a court full of hot sweaty men? It’s more of an analogy (i.e. a similarity between like features of two things, on which a comparison may be based: the analogy between the heart and a pump) than a joke.

So he’s really in trouble for making a gay analogy; and a pretty obvious one at that. And dated. I suppose if they really murdered a team, say the 76ers, he could say “We pulled an OJ on those Rocky Balboas, homie.”

If you’re gonna make a gay slur and get in trouble, you might as well make it interesting. Heretofore are some things he could have said that would have been more creative, but not offensive:

“We call this a ‘Brokeback Mountain’ game because…

- …it was totally over-rated.

- …I give all of our losing games alliterative names of geographic formations. I called our game against the Hornets a “Stapledsoup Plateau.”

- …it was directed by Ang Lee.

- …calling it a ‘Batman Begins’ game would be stupid.

- …we’re a bunch of fags and we got totally assfucked by San Diego with no opportunity for a reach around. Is that Liza?

“It was one of those games.”

OK. The last one was a bit offensive.

Check out his apology here. He just doesn’t learn.